Last week we dropped our younger son off at college. He’s a freshman at a school in Louisiana, a plane ride away from home here in Colorado. Our older son is a sophomore at a college in Philidelphia, an even longer plane ride away.
Time Flies
As trite as it sounds, it’s true. Time flies. The boys were in elementary school when I started writing and sharing recipes and healthy living tips here. Now they’ve flown the coop and the pantry is empty.
Cookies for No One
Who will I bake cookies for? Cookies for no one? My neighbors? So far folks in the ‘hood have gotten a lot of goodies and my husband is doing his share of cookie-consuming as well.
Two Decades of Hands-On Parenting
Two decades ago, on Labor day weekend, my older son was born. So our hands-on parenting is now wrapped up in a neat bundle of exactly twenty years. There’s still lots of distance parenting. We speak with the boys every weekend to check-in and offer our support. And I send care packages often.
The Empty Nest
I have so many feelings about this empty nest phase of life. I was sad to say goodbye to the boys. It was a physical feeling more than an emotion, like my heart was walking straight out of my chest. Additionally, I’m proud of them, and happy they’re entering this next phase of their lives. They’ve handled everything so smoothly and that gives me incredible joy. Oddly enough, I felt relief in launching them as well.
I Didn’t Mess Them Up!
The first part of my relief was a major exhale, “Wow, I didn’t mess them up!” If you’ve met me more than once, you know I’m a very neurotic Jewish woman with plenty of stress, trauma, and autoimmune disease in my background. My family has its fair share of Holocaust anguish in our lineage as well. Looking back, I’m relieved that the work I’ve done on myself over the years has cleared much angst from our family system and that a fair amount of this cycle has been successfully interrupted.
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Relief from the Parenting Marathon
My next sigh of relief was physical, as in, “Whoa! I’m really tired.” This hands-on parenting thing takes a lot of physical energy. While the boys were growing up, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, Hashimoto’s, Celiac Disease, and the BRCA genetic mutation. Energy has often been in short supply. So the second part of my relief was that I will have more time to look after myself.
What’s Next?
Before I had the boys I subscribed to the New Yorker and read voraciously. By the time I had two children under the age of 1½ I let go of that subscription. It was all I could do to read our local paper every day and keep up with the Sunday New York Times. Now I’ll also get back to my creative writing practice. After I graduated from Columbia, while I was working in environmental consulting full time and teaching yoga nights and weekends, I took a creative writing class at NYU. I also took one at Naropa when the boys were really little, just to get out of the house and have a bit of time to myself. Additionally, I’ll keep working to provide you with free healthy, low-carb recipes here!
Do You Have an Empty Nest?
Are you dealing with an empty nest? If so how do you cope? Leave a comment and let me know! Also, since I have more free time, I’d LOVE to hear which new recipes you’d like to see here on the blog!
Beth says
Just what you are doing. You are still there mama, you still pour in, but in a different way. When my nest became empty I refocused my time to my husband and just asked God to show me what He wanted me to do with my extra time. It didn’t take long before I was intentionally not scheduling things! Life is full, it’s all about how you see this just like anything else. It’s ok to grieve and miss those litttle boys, as long as you are super excited about watching what God will do with their future and all you have poured into them. Thank you for helping me keep my family healthy. Grandchildren will come along shortly and you will love that season also! One season must end for the other to begin. Lastly, this is your word-embrace. Embrace it all. It is such a privilege to live in this country with all our freedom. Love you!
Elana says
Beth, that is so incredibly well said, “One season must end for the other to begin.” Thanks for your loving words and for sharing your wisdom with me! ❤️❤️❤️
Debbie Steinbock says
Elana,
I remember the first year that you started this blog and when you reached out to me. Your boys were so young- and your hands were so full- that we could never find a time to connect. I can’t believe that they are both in college. As you said, time flies!
I am glad you will have more “you” time….to create and care for yourself. And I’d love to connect some more too :)
Love, Debbie
Elana says
Debbie, I would too!
Cherie says
Elana sending you love – I just dropped my second child at college – one left for a few years – but my house is so empty already I can only imagine how it will feel when my youngest goes off. But I agree – there’s a joy in seeing them launch, and I am looking at what I want to fill the time with as things evolve. I am starting to train for a new position at my volunteer organization next month – this is very time consuming for a few months – but it is a gift to myself for managing to get the boy settled LOL. I can’t imagine what I’ll jump into as my empty nest approaches but I hope it will be soul filling. Or I will just wait until the next thing makes itself clear. Either way – take your time, honor your feelings and congratulations on getting those two boys so well prepared for life!
Elana says
Cherie, thanks for your comment! I love that you are waiting until the next thing makes itself clear, such a great approach that I share too :-)
Heidi wixom says
Elana,
Your post memorialized my feelings each time one of my six daughters left home. When my last one flew off to the Congo to work upon finishing her Bachelor’s degree a few months prior, I knew the house would never be the same. For two or three weeks (maybe more?) I cried while my husband and I ate dinner together. Finally in exasperation, he looked at me and said, “ Am I that bad to eat with!” We both laughed and I realized that I had to define my life differently and look for the joy in being a couple again.
You have done a marvelous work in helping so many of us overcome health issues as you shared your authentic self with your readers. Thank you for being dedicated to providing healthful food recipes and knowledge, even on those days that you didn’t have the energy to expend while raising your two sons.
Elana says
Heidi, wow, 6 daughters! You are amazing! I’m so happy to be getting to have time for the joy of being a couple again. And thanks for your encouraging and supportive words about my work. I’m lucky to get to be on this healing journey with you :-)
Julie Moss says
Wow, such wonderful comments about empty nesting. It was hard for me to read. I just became an empty nester at the beginning of this year. But somehow I don’t really think you are really an empty nester until after they have finished college and moved to a new location for a job. Just think, you will look forward to them coming home for Holiday break. The first time they come home their freshman year… it’s so special and exciting! Enjoy the college years it’s so fun to see them grow into amazing young adults. I still look at my 4 kids and beam from ear to ear with pride and think “I helped to mold them into the confident people that they are today” it’s a good feeling and I’m sure you have it about your kids too!!
PS. I hope his t-shirt quilt went to college, so he can have a hug from home!
Elana says
Julie, I’m so touched to find your comment here! I’m such a huge fan of your work. I’ll be sending over the second batch of t-shirts soon and am so grateful to have found someone like you who can encapsulate our memories in a work of art! ❤️❤️❤️
Doreen A says
Hi. I appreciate your recipes and candid life stories on your blog. I have started my journey on keto in moderation as a result of my gallbladder being removed and many food allergies developing since then. We will be having our first college student soon so I can relate to that twinge of sadness/relief. Thank you for all you do and share.
Elana says
Doreen, thanks for your comment!
Gigi says
Hello Elana,
Empty nest . . . oy. I have Such mixed feelings about ours. I’m certainly not convinced that I didn’t mess up my kids, but I know that I tried my hardest to be the best mom possible, to always support them and to make sure they knew that I love them so much. I, too, can relate to turning inward and to trying to take better care of myself. I went the distance for my kids as an at-home mom, but somewhat at the expense of my health. I’m gluten and dairy intolerant, and have recently developed an auto-immune skin disease that puts me at a higher risk for cancer. I need to learn how to take better care of myself. If you have specific suggestions re: auto-immune self-care, please let me know. My youngest just left the nest. I, too, am so proud of both of my kids (a boy and a girl). I miss them and love them, but know it’s time for them to be on their own. It’s a Very tough adjustment. I’m still working on it! :) Where’s the manual for This part of our lives? I am looking forward to getting back in touch with my own interests, and to us all coming back together with a new, adult relationship :). Take care, and I hope you enjoy your new found time for yourself :). Thanks for all your incredible recipes! I hope we both find time to give ourselves much-needed self-care.
Elana says
Gigi, what a wonderful comment! Thank you for being on this healing path with me and for pointing out “where’s the manual for this part of our lives?” I love that. In terms of dealing with autoimmune issues I have a couple of areas to direct you to that may be of interest:
https://elanaspantry.com/green-house-almost-killed/
https://elanaspantry.com/simple-steps-to-reduce-emfs/
https://elanaspantry.com/new-approaches-to-neurological-conditions/
I hope you’ll keep me posted on how you’re doing!
Elana
Amanda Love says
I will say that as a daughter of an empty nester, it was a huge emotional process for me as well when I left home. I mourned the loss of my childhood for months (maybe years), had the trauma of realizing I suddenly had to become an adult and get my stuff together and cope with the deep missing of my mom. When I flew off to San Francisco at age 20, my mom later told me that she sat in a chair at the airport and cried for 3 hours while my step-dad held her. A few weeks later, I left a party to go sit in the back of a car and also sobbed for 3 hours. Us kids miss you moms as well and while the relationship changes, the love and gratitude for a raising up job well done only grows. Thanks for being one of the awesome moms out there. Now enjoy your freedom!
Elana says
Amanda, your sweet comment literally made me cry. Thanks so much for sharing in this story from your perspective. We are so lucky to have sons and daughters like you. ❤️❤️❤️
Heidi wixom says
What a wonderful perspective! Thank you Amanda!
Shannon Marie says
I would love to read a blog from you about with more tips for getting my baby to college organized and well cared for. I’m making a office/desk organizer inspired by the one you created.
Thank you so much for your continued blogs and recipes and sharing of personal stories. Your emails are a bright light in my Inbox
Peace to you,
Shannon Marie
Elana says
Shannon Marie, thanks for your darling and wonderful comment! I am going to do a post on how to get children off to college soon :-)
Deb says
Many years ago, when our only went away to college, I gained the freshman 15 because I was still cooking for 3! Then I found a neighbor who was not eating well and began to drop a meal off for her every morning.Now, so many years later, our daughter is on the opposite coast and it is not my idea of a god time..but we raised her to fly, and indeed she has! Take care!
Elana says
Deb, your amazing comment literally made me laugh out loud! Love your story about the freshman 15 :-)