I started this site shortly after I received a terrifying diagnosis. My goal was simple. To be of service. To make life easier for people with celiac disease and other digestive disorders. Helping others was the perfect distraction. When I started out, I wanted to cheer people up, not bring them down.
I realize now that while I mentioned the diagnosis several years ago, I haven’t shared a piece of myself that matters. The part that went into shock the day I was told I had multiple sclerosis. I’ve dealt with this neurological condition every day since I was diagnosed in 2006. But the feelings that come up are something I haven’t spoken about. Something I’ve been holding in for a long time.
When I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis I entered a strange limbo. For 8 years, my health was good enough. Then, in 2014 things took a turn for the worse and my life since has been full of ups and downs.
Things got bad last year after a trip to Mexico with my husband. Upon returning, I ended up in the hospital with transverse myelitis, numb from the neck down. I remained that way for months.
I’ve spent the entire last year rebuilding my health. Going to Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy treatments 6 days per week, getting physical therapy 3 days per week, receiving intravenous nutrients 1 to 2 days per week, and occupational therapy to regain use of my left hand (my dominant hand) 1 day per week. It was a grueling rehabilitation, and thankfully it mostly worked.
I stuck to my schedule week-in-and-week-out. I missed almost every winter weekend trip to the mountains with my family. I entirely skipped trips to Denver for work. Events such as book signings, TV appearances, and fundraising dinners went out the window. I haven’t been to Denver in well over a year. The geography of my life became extremely small.
In addition to local trips, I also gave up air travel because each time I’ve had an MS attack has been right after an airplane flight. My doctors think the low pressure in planes might affect my brain and nervous system, or that it might be the radiation. Frustratingly, no one understands it. So they told me to avoid air travel. I wasn’t happy about that, but I didn’t set foot on an airplane for over a year.
Last week I went on my first trip in 13 months. My husband and I flew to California. We ate our way through Napa, then we met up with the boys and threw my Dad an 80th birthday party at an adorable restaurant in my hometown, Davis.
It was challenging to take more than a year off and truly slow down. Many people could not understand it and questioned my decision. It took all of both my willpower and my ability to surrender to get well. To give myself the space I needed to heal. To say no to countless invitations for work and play.
I wanted to write about this to give you all a real update of where I am. It might look neat and tidy, and even perfect on social media, but that is far from the reality. Like so many of you, I have struggles both large and small everyday that can’t be conveyed through a photo. I live in limbo, dealing with a major neurological illness, on top of celiac disease, hashimoto’s autoimmune thyroiditis, and several other challenging medical issues.
Although I’m continuing to rest and heal, I live not knowing what’s around the corner. I hope that by sharing this piece of myself I can provide comfort to others walking their own tightrope. Those in the darkest days, dealing with something we are told to hold in. Thank you for supporting me since I started this blog in 2006. I’m so grateful we are on this path together.
Anne Hudson says
Dear Elana, Thank you for your work – you give so much to your community of women, and I hope you can feel the love we give back to you.
with gratitude and love,
Anne
Linda says
Yes we certainly are all on this journey together…. I’ve been following your site, learning from your blogs and savouring and healing with your recipes since i was diagnosed with MS. Thank you for all your the energy and devotion that you’ve put into your site and always sharing it with us. You are amazing. I truly believe that food is our best medicine and also listening to your body. Take all the time you need to heal. We’ll be here…
ruth kape says
Wow Elana.You face these challenges and yet you give to others. May the zechut of your kindness and wanting to help be reflected on you by HASHEM. wISHING YOU A FULL AND SPEEDY RECOVERY CHAZAK
.
Berneda says
I know you are a wonderful person and your site is one of my favorites. Here Here to good news ahead. Take care.
Murphy says
Hi Elana….thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story. You are so right, many times we try to portray a “life is great” appearance yet, quite often, we are hurting inside…struggling…I admirer you for realizing you needed to set boundaries in and for your life and did not allow others to dictate your course…choosing to heal instead of perform, choosing to listen within. I too need to listen to my soul…my body…my heart and choose the path that leads to healing and not the voices of others…You have inspired me to do just that! May the Lord bless you with perseverance to keep on keeping on….inspiring and motivating others by living and being the “real” wonderful, beautiful YOU, even when it hurts!
Barbara Pauls says
Thank you for sharing your wonderful recipes! We have really enjoyed them.
May God bless you.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
Be not wise in your own eyes;
fear the LORD, and turn away from evil.
It will be healing to your flesh
and refreshment to your bones.
Proverbs 3:5-8 English Standard Version (ESV)
Zulma says
Elana, thank you for sharing. I am thankful that you’ve turned a difficult situation into an opportunity to express yourself in a positive way that has touched and served so many of us. You are a blessing to us and I for one want to THANK YOU! I’m glad to see you listen to your needs and act appropriately. I enjoy your recipes and blogs….please continue to care for yourself and your family first. Thanks
Elizabeth Dumdey-Bartelsen says
Hello Elana,
I have been a fan since 2008, as I recall. Thank you very much for your huge service!! I have always eaten well, but it wasn’t until I was diagnosed with papillary cancer (2008), that I, and my family became completely gluten free. I had surgery to remove the tumor and the left side of the thyroid (only), in the hopes of further following and discovering recommended protocol from specialized functional medicine doctors, acupuncturists, herbalists and other healers to rejuvenate my thyroid, focusing on balancing the entire endocrine system instead of further debilitating it. Recently I discovered a book that I really resonate with, and I offer it now to you, perhaps you may as well, find it helpful… Medical Medium by Anthony William (endorsed by Alejandro Junger, MD). May your journey be fruitful. Blessings, Elizabeth Dumdey-Bartelsen
Teya says
elizabeth i wanted to let you know i read your comment and bought the book by Anthony. Thank you for sharing the information
Lynne says
3> 3> 3> 3> 3>
Kathy says
Dear Elana,
Your blog has made it easier for me to manage my health. I appreciate you sharing all your challenges, research and natural treatment methods. I love your recipes. Wishing you strength and courage on your journey towards better health. You are a courageous, inspiring woman with an amazing family!
Kathy