What’s Wrong with Me?

Nothing. That’s right. Nothing is wrong with me. I’ve stopped asking myself this question. Stopped asking “what’s wrong with me?” when I feel tired. Stopped asking it when I feel sick. Stopped asking it when everything is not going according to my generally high expectations.

Something shifted after I created the post, A Piece of Me. Committing pen to paper to write about the health issues that I’ve dealt with during the last year made my own reality more poignant. My health challenges became a little less abstract, and started to come into focus on an emotional level.

In becoming more in touch with my own reality, I  began to disassociate from myself less, and started to directly address my needs more. Am I tired? Lie down for half an hour. Am I sore? Go in the infrared sauna for 10 minutes. I started to meet myself where I was, instead of where I wanted to be.

I think everyone who is sick wonders, “what’s wrong with me?” For the most part, it’s a natural response. We want to fix what is out of balance. But sometimes “what’s wrong with me?” can be an attacking question, rather than a healing one. And I figured out that attacking myself isn’t going to heal anything. In fact, on a holographic level, it’s simply training my body-mind to attack itself, which is in fact, the definition of an autoimmune disease.

Another wonderful discovery came from writing A Piece of Me. As I read through thousands of messages that you wrote on the blog, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and email, I spent a lot of time absorbed in the goodness of your blessings and well wishes. And the result was that your incredible responses truly helped me learn to be with myself in a nicer, gentler way. The love you expressed to me was incredibly impactful. In fact, it was life changing.

So thanks from the bottom of my heart for your remarkable comments and your outpouring of support, kindness, empathy, and prayers. I am so lucky to have you my dearest readers. We have created such an amazing community here and it has helped to guide me in my healing journey. I only hope that I provide as much support to you, as you all have given to me!

I always come to your website for a recipe because everything I make turns out well. Today I came here and it made me cry, but I leave again with a fabulous recipe, one that teaches me how to look after myself. Thank you once again.


77 responses to “What’s Wrong with Me?”

  1. What a great and positive attitude, the act of Listening and Gently Caring.
    Much Love to YOU.

    Look forward to your thoughts again.

  2. Elana,

    You have been my go to for good recipes for four years. You have inspired me to keep my diet as a key component of managing my autoimmune diseases, but it is also true that sometimes, even though we are “doing everything right,” we don’t feel well. That is difficult to accept for those of us who are hard-driving and used to pushing through. It is a fine line between pushing and being in denial. I am glad you are taking care of yourself and honoring your body. Thank you for the inspiration–yet again.


    • Stephanie, well said! It really is a fine line between healing and being in denial. I’m so glad that we are on this journey together :-)

  3. Elana, thank you for your books, and recipes but most of all for all you share of yourself. I have been asking myself for the last month or two “what is wrong with me, why can’t I get these goals accomplished”. You remind me once again that I need to have more compassion for myself and be more gentle with me. To support myself as I would my son and granddaughters. Nothing is wrong with me.
    Blessings, Light and Love.

  4. Elana! You’re wonderful and even though I don’t know you, I think of you, your blog everytime when I make your sesame almond cookies … And it’s ever so often I know the recipe by heart . You’ve saved me from the terrible gluten free packaged cookies and inspired a whole bunch of readers. Far from being wrong… You’re all too right. :)

  5. Elana, I’ve been reading your blog and and making your amazing recipes for many years now without leaving a comment. I just want to tell you that you are one of the most inspirational people out there! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving so much of yourself! I have made your recipes for many holidays and weeknights. And you truly inspire me to be to be better to myself. It is easy for me to see that there is nothing wrong with you, but I of course I’ve had that same negative thought loop myself. Thank you for being you!

  6. Coincidentally, I was just thinking about you this morning, and telling my son about you, bragging about you, actually; your perfected recipes, your early fortune 500 achievements and your impressive drive, your beauty, and then your candor regarding your choices and motivations. That last has touched many of us. My son was impressed. Made me smile then to see the synchronous email notification from your blog, and the content made my heart swell and eyes swim a little. I am so glad you are being gentle with yourself. Most of us need to learn to do that, because otherwise it is pretty much ‘dogpile on me’ in addition to other challenges we face. But logic doesn’t mean emotions catch up (I’m not saying that to imply I’ve mastered ANY of mine lol). So really, really proud of you on several levels. Some people make me believe that beauty is a by-product of grace.

    Good job to your son on his cooking! You must be proud of him.

    with love and best wishes, Melanie

  7. You are inspiring just as you are. There is nothing wrong with you. Thank you for your recipes, your honesty and your story. They have all helped me. Kindest regards.

    • Reba, I am doing additional research on the benefits and plan to write about the infrared sauna here sometime soon!

      • I, too, would love to know your thoughts on infrared saunas. I would like to purchase one for my home but every time I think I’ve narrowed it down I find conflicting information (high EMFs despite the company saying they are low, benefits of near vs far, the type of wood used, the types of heaters used, etc.). I just don’t know if I should make the investment or not…

  8. Thank you for sharing your journey of food and self love and care, and beautiful cooking. When we went Paleo years ago, your recipes helped inspire us all to stay on track with following a grain and sugar free plan. I often share your site with friends who are keen to adjust and stay on track. I use Dr Gundry’s book to find supplements to help us, InLightWellness lights to relieve inflammation, adhd, depression and stiffness, yoga for strength and flexibility, and you and your blogs for delicious cooking and to be inspired with how you share your heart and talent with us all. Btw, I used your chocolate sponge cake recipe, tweaked a few ingredients, and used the sponge cake techniques I learned as a girl learned from The Joy of Cooking. It was a lofty success! Thank you, Elana! You are truly a Goddess of health and communication in my world and make our lives more delicious and fun.

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