What’s Wrong with Me?

 

Nothing. That’s right. Nothing is wrong with me. I’ve stopped asking myself this question. Stopped asking “what’s wrong with me?” when I feel tired. Stopped asking it when I feel sick. Stopped asking it when everything is not going according to my generally high expectations.

Something shifted after I created the post, A Piece of Me. Committing pen to paper to write about the health issues that I’ve dealt with during the last year made my own reality more poignant. My health challenges became a little less abstract, and started to come into focus on an emotional level.

In becoming more in touch with my own reality, I  began to disassociate from myself less, and started to directly address my needs more. Am I tired? Lie down for half an hour. Am I sore? Go in the infrared sauna for 10 minutes. I started to meet myself where I was, instead of where I wanted to be.

I think everyone who is sick wonders, “what’s wrong with me?” For the most part, it’s a natural response. We want to fix what is out of balance. But sometimes “what’s wrong with me?” can be an attacking question, rather than a healing one. And I figured out that attacking myself isn’t going to heal anything. In fact, on a holographic level, it’s simply training my body-mind to attack itself, which is in fact, the definition of an autoimmune disease.

Another wonderful discovery came from writing A Piece of Me. As I read through thousands of messages that you wrote on the blog, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and email, I spent a lot of time absorbed in the goodness of your blessings and well wishes. And the result was that your incredible responses truly helped me learn to be with myself in a nicer, gentler way. The love you expressed to me was incredibly impactful. In fact, it was life changing.

So thanks from the bottom of my heart for your remarkable comments and your outpouring of support, kindness, empathy, and prayers. I am so lucky to have you my dearest readers. We have created such an amazing community here and it has helped to guide me in my healing journey. I only hope that I provide as much support to you, as you all have given to me!

I always come to your website for a recipe because everything I make turns out well. Today I came here and it made me cry, but I leave again with a fabulous recipe, one that teaches me how to look after myself. Thank you once again.

Comments

75 responses to “What’s Wrong with Me?”

  1. For awhile now I’ve been visiting your website for recipes, and thoroughly enjoying them, but hadn’t really read your blog. On a whim, I read your “About” page, clicked on the MS link, and read this page, and it hit home. In particular, this quote really resonated with me: “I started to meet myself where I was, instead of where I wanted to be.” As a former special educator, this was my mantra. You meet the kids where they are, and work on getting them where they need to be. And yet after my diagnosis of severe arthritis (OA) in both hips, all I could focus on were all the things I *couldn’t* do, instead of the things I could. Reading this post, and in particular that quote, drew my thinking into sharp focus, and has helped me reframe my approach to OA. I cannot thank you enough for sharing your journey with the Internet, and I wish you peace and healing.

    • Christina, thanks so much for your beautiful comment, I’m so lucky to be on this healing journey with people like you!

  2. I’m finally getting the chance to catch up on favorite blogs after a few years. I used to also have a grain-free SCD blog, Mrs. Ed’s. But as teaching went from 50 hours a week to 60 plus, I had to leave blogging and reading favorite blogs behind. The exhaustion would get blamed on the stressful life consuming job. But summer came and exhaustion got worse, not better. I wound up unable to work full time and a new autoimmune disease to add to my list, one that diet alone can’t fix…Undifferentiated Connective Tissue Disease. Here I am reading your blog, like years ago, and once again relating to more than just the foodie stories. Thank you for posting. For those of us hit in our prime by these things, getting a fourth of a to-do list done (on our good days), it helps to hear from others who are there as well. Not a lonely road to travel, just requires us to reinvent ourselves in a new body. Take care.

      • Thanks Elana. I mentioned your post to my husband and, without hesitation, he asked me to look further into what we can do. It will be interesting to see if it helps everyone’s energy levels.

        • Tracee, I’m so glad that you and your husband will be looking into this! I hope you’ll keep me posted :-)

  3. I have been reading your blog for a while and I love it and I love the recipes. I also own two of your cookbooks. Then I came across this post and it is so simple but so beautiful. I am constantly judging myself. “Why am I tired?” or “Why am I so irritable?” instead of just accepting myself at that moment and taking care of myself. I realize that I do this to my kids too (not helpful!). Thanks for pointing it out and I am going to make an effort to stop.

  4. You are such a wise woman. A fabulous cook, a caring mother and wife. I always come to your web site for a recipe because everything I make turns out well, providing me with feelings of success and happiness. Today I came here and it made me cry, but I leave again with a fabulous recipe, one that teaches me how to look after myself. Thank you once again.

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