What’s Wrong with Me?

Nothing. That’s right. Nothing is wrong with me. I’ve stopped asking myself this question. Stopped asking “what’s wrong with me?” when I feel tired. Stopped asking it when I feel sick. Stopped asking it when everything is not going according to my generally high expectations.

Something shifted after I created the post, A Piece of Me. Committing pen to paper to write about the health issues that I’ve dealt with during the last year made my own reality more poignant. My health challenges became a little less abstract, and started to come into focus on an emotional level.

In becoming more in touch with my own reality, I  began to disassociate from myself less, and started to directly address my needs more. Am I tired? Lie down for half an hour. Am I sore? Go in the infrared sauna for 10 minutes. I started to meet myself where I was, instead of where I wanted to be.

I think everyone who is sick wonders, “what’s wrong with me?” For the most part, it’s a natural response. We want to fix what is out of balance. But sometimes “what’s wrong with me?” can be an attacking question, rather than a healing one. And I figured out that attacking myself isn’t going to heal anything. In fact, on a holographic level, it’s simply training my body-mind to attack itself, which is in fact, the definition of an autoimmune disease.

Another wonderful discovery came from writing A Piece of Me. As I read through thousands of messages that you wrote on the blog, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and email, I spent a lot of time absorbed in the goodness of your blessings and well wishes. And the result was that your incredible responses truly helped me learn to be with myself in a nicer, gentler way. The love you expressed to me was incredibly impactful. In fact, it was life changing.

So thanks from the bottom of my heart for your remarkable comments and your outpouring of support, kindness, empathy, and prayers. I am so lucky to have you my dearest readers. We have created such an amazing community here and it has helped to guide me in my healing journey. I only hope that I provide as much support to you, as you all have given to me!

I always come to your website for a recipe because everything I make turns out well. Today I came here and it made me cry, but I leave again with a fabulous recipe, one that teaches me how to look after myself. Thank you once again.

Comments

77 responses to “What’s Wrong with Me?”

  1. Hello Elena! I have just discovered you and what a discovery! I adore your courage to share your vulnerability with your readers and allow the intimacy that encourages.
    I too live with illness and am so delighted to find your yummy grain free recipes, they suit me down to the ground. I am looking forward to making your Spicy Power Bars soon!
    I hope you are travelling well as this reaches you and send you much gratitude and appreciation for being privy to your journey.
    Cheers
    Violet.

      • I don’t know how I came across this website or if I should be here but no one can figure out what’s wrong with me! I have been to so many doctors & no news I even thought I may have leaking implants poisoning my system It all started this past March when both sides of my head caved in, like a cone head. and then I started not feeling well. I have night & day sweats, I’ve lost 25 pounds, & the other symptoms are all random but I just feel bad every day & am at the point that I really don’t want to live! I continue to pray but I don’t think God is hearing my prayers or I’m just one of those people who have constant bad luck!I I do know that God is alive I just don’t know why the health professionals can’t tell me whats wrong with me. I’m very much alone in life & if there is anyone out there who has had this head condition or these symptoms, please help me!!!
        Thank You
        Cindy

        • Hi Cindy, you are not alone! This community is here to support you. While doctors may not be able to give you a diagnosis, there are many steps you can take to benefit your health. Please see all of the posts under this tab:

          https://elanaspantry.com/category/multiple-sclerosis/

          These posts outline my healing strategies for MS and are applicable to so many other conditions too.

          All my best!
          Elana

  2. Thank you for sharing your story Elena. I think it is very courageous to be so vulnerable in such a public space and through your words and recipes (and just you being you) you help so many people physically, and emotionally. Keep doing what you are doing and you will continue to inspire us. I think your message of surrendering really resonated with me! Sending love and healing thoughts to you.

  3. Elana,
    Thank you for your blog and openly sharing your life. My son was just diagnosed with celiac disease AND in this past year my daughter was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis. Two different autoimmune diseases for my dear kids — has been overwhelming for our family. Appreciate what you do and it is nice to know we are not alone.

    • Kim, I’m so sorry to hear that! My older son and I both have celiac disease. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

  4. Thank you for sharing your journey. The question I am learning to ask myself is “What will make me feel better?”.

  5. Just signed up for your blog and noted this post. Thank You for posting this subject. I was in self beat up mode this AM researching lectins, and you kicked me out of it. Looks like we live close and have 2 similar autoimmunes. If you want to compare notes and resources in Denver just email me. Autoimmune x3 at least with 2005 being game changer year. My journey recently has put a spotlight on celebrating the small things. This morning before your post I was celebrating putting the coconut oil in my muffins ( I almost forgot). What a glorious thing to celebrate, especially when you make them just right. Prayer and blessing for you today excited to join your blog and play in your food ventures.

    • Hi Mae, so nice to meet you! I too am celebrating every little thing that comes my way and find myself happier each day. Thanks for your wonderful comment, and for reminding me to keep focusing on the positive :-)

  6. Elana,
    I really appreciate your recipes and have been using them for years. I have celiac, milk allergies, and other health issues like fibromyalgia. We’re still not sure what all is wrong with me and my husband has even more scary, life-threatening health issues. My children also have milk and gluten issues. They are adopted and we don’t know their medical history. I’m so amazed how God put them in my family where their health issues would be recognized. I want to let you know that I prayed for you and will continue as I am reminded. I believe God allows us to struggle for good reasons, even though we may never know what they are. I hope that you will find even greater purpose and peace in the years ahead. Thank you for being an advocate and help to so many of us.

      • Hi, Elana! I have been reading your blog, and wonderful recipes! You are such a beautiful being! I wish you to find the way to heal yourself, and be healthy and happy in your body. Don’t know if you have ever heard of Dr. Gabor Mate. He finds that all the decease, especially autoimmune have their root in the first 5 years of ones life, and the way parents and care givers connected to us.
        Hope this may be of help. Be well!
        Natalie

        • Hi Natalie, thanks for your wonderful words! I read Mate’s book, When the Body Says No in 2006, and just reread it again in 2015. I’m hoping to meet Dr. Mate sometime, he is one of my heros :-)

  7. Hi Elana,

    I have been diagnosed, just 6 months ago, with POTS. It is a debilitating illness, and clearly, I’ve had it for decades, but was undiagnosed. It was very easy to beat up on myself, blame myself, etc., prior to the diagnosis, as I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t keep up with my aspirations, and with other people’s expectation of me. I didn’t look to them as if I was ill, even though I knew something was very wrong It was just since my diagnosis that I have had more inner peace and surrender to the healing process. I don’t know if I’ll ever be “cured”, but I certainly can manage the symptoms, and yes….being much, much more gentle with myself. MS, just like POTS is an invisible disability, meaning that people around you won’t be able to really tell that you are ill, much of the time, and therefore dealing with other people’s expectations is tough, emotionally. We weigh ourselves through the eyes of others, a lot of the time. Be gentle with yourself. I would like to recommend that you look for the “Invisible Disabilities” booklet, called, “But You Don’t Look Sick”. (I think that is the title. I lent it out and can’t be sure, now)

    God speed in your healing journey!

    Syrena

    • Syrena, I really appreciate your comment. I have been a part of the Invisible Disabilities movement for years, and think it is so important.

  8. I think you are right to address the symptoms and learn how to alleviate them Although there are benefits to finding out what you actually have (if it is something that has been “discovered!). My father was recently re-diagnosed from transverse myelitis to Neuro Myelitis Optica Spectrum Disorder (something ever more rare!). The new diagnosis is not so cheery (you never get rid of it), at least there is now a treatment for it. He also continues to tweak his diet to try to help the healing process. His determination to heal himself is impressive!

    Best of luck!

  9. Hi Elana, thank you for your work of love all these years. I am a dietitian and specialize in food sensitivities, and your recipes have been a wonderful addition to my pinterest pages for my clients and also for the hundreds of dietitians that I mentor nationwide. Since I specialize in chronic inflammatory conditions including autoimmune conditions, I’d like to make some suggestions, but don’t know the best place to do that? We’ve seen MS go into remission in many cases, so although you’ve probably been getting advice from all over, I might be able to add something different. Thanks!
    Susan

  10. Thank you So insightful and helpful – This resonates for me It’s so much simpler to surrender and take a quick nap when I need it, rather than questioning or judging myself

    Take good care Thanks for sharing

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