This year was full of surprises. Not the type that I was expecting. At all. As I mentioned in my “When Things Fall Apart” post, the traffic on this website, Elana’s Pantry, skyrocketed to over 900,000 unique monthly visitors, which was a good thing. Unfortunately, I had not scaled the site for such a high volume of traffic and so it crashed. And crashed. And crashed. Which was not a good thing.
I did not handle the stress well at all, taking it into my body, and by May of 2014 I experienced the first MS attack since the one that occurred in 2006 when I was diagnosed with this disease. I don’t often discuss living with a multiple sclerosis diagnosis, as it is something I make an effort not to think about. This keeps my nervous system calm, and I’m happier, which is healthier for myself and my family.
Living with a major condition like MS is far different than dealing with a digestive disorder such as celiac disease. An autoimmune disease of the digestive system is incredibly damaging, an autoimmune disease of the brain and central nervous system (CNS) is something else altogether that can affect the function of each and every part of the body. Many things broke this spring, and I spent time in hand therapy, pelvic floor therapy, and vision therapy, all on top of my regular physical therapy.
Generally, my family and I grieve over these types of tiny tragedies privately. We have processed this all year long as a family in various ways –sometimes through discussion and at other times silently. I did not write about this MS attack sooner as I wanted to give my family time to grieve, feel their own fears, and process this situation. I also felt the need to digest this experience prior to sharing it. This strange and complicated event took me a long time to sort though. I still am parsing it and making meaning from it. Now, strangely, I am stronger. Perhaps not emotionally. I’m still scared, and just a tad traumatized. I had compartmentalized the MS into the year 2006, the year of my diagnosis. This year, somehow the genie was let out of the bottle. That is frightening. However, I am stronger physically. I can walk farther and my core is stronger. I am more flexible. I am healing. I am living and breathing and thankful. Interestingly, my faith is stronger too. Prayer has been my pillar in these times. So often we think of prayer as asking for what we want. My prayers this year have been of gratitude for everything I have, this acceptance too has made me stronger.
Of course, my healing plan has been more critical than ever. I’ve made sure to get extra rest. I cut carbs out of my diet –no more cookies or fruit (ok, blueberries once in a while). Lots more fat, vegetables, and protein! My blood work is better than ever. The doctors are amazed. The drugs I took helped me. And yes, I took drugs. When you face the choice of going the medical route or ending up in a wheelchair the decision is a simple one. If you are uneasy with my choice that’s ok, sometimes I am too. I wish I could tell you that my diet saved my life. It didn’t. Unfortunately, my life isn’t that linear. It took a lot to get me sick, and it has taken a lot for me to get well. Life is complex. At least my life, with MS is.
Healing has so many different forms for me –an amazingly clean diet, loads of sleep (8 hours per night minimum), various forms of physical therapy, prayer, and drugs. And when it comes to drugs, I can tell you, try everything you can before taking them, but do not resist them entirely. Not because it makes you more “successful” in your healing process, but because the drugs you take will work much better and you will need to take much less of them, and have far fewer side effects resulting in less quality of life issues. And when you take drugs, take them with love and a prayer. If your body is open to them and the healing they provide, their positive effects will work more deeply. Your blessing, buy-in, positive thinking, and openness are everything no matter which remedy, or remedies you choose. Sleep, exercise, food, or drugs –whatever you choose to do, do it with love!
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Although I cancelled many activities that had been scheduled this year in order to take the time I needed to heal, I did keep one crucial commitment –a trip to Spain with our children. Part of the issue with being a parent and having a major health condition is showing up. You and your family will deal with a life of surprises and inconsistency. When dealing with a major, chronic illness, you can’t always be there, you can’t make it to every school play and activity. Being sick can make you unreliable. Some children adapt to this very well, others not so much. For my children, who have grown up with me in compromised health throughout their entire lives, I felt that taking a two week family trip was very important, something we hadn’t done before. We were all somewhat nervous about my taking the trip. Thankfully, with some very smart planning (a less than fast paced vacation) the trip turned out ok.
The photo above was taken of us in Barcelona at Gaudi’s Sagrada Familia church. So much of my healing comes from my faith. Mosques, temples, churches and other holy places of prayer are imbued with a special energy that I find inexplicably beautiful and healing. We spent much time in these types of places while in Spain.
I guess the biggest lesson I learned in 2014 was to take care of myself and do so with a gentle patience and loving kindness. I’m hoping that 2015 is a little easier, perhaps even a little smoother, but with my faith stronger than ever, I’m ready to face whatever comes my way.
Adella says
Dear Elana,
I am so grateful that you shared your story of this year. It is a huge blessing and a help to me; you are an inspiration.
God bless you and your family. You are in our prayers.
Christene says
Elena, thank you for sharing your year. I am relatively healthy but have food allergies and a tendency to push myself to exhaustion. I use to get migraines and would have to stay home for 2 days to rest. I put taking care of my health as a 2014 year resolution. I did not get any migraines last year and I did not get as sick with the food allergies.
Your sharing is a reminder that there is so much more I can give to “health” of my life. thank you for being such an inspiration last year!! blessing and prayers to you and your family.
Goforth In Health says
Thank you for sharing Elana and blessings and health to you in 2015!
Jane says
Elana, Thanks for sharing. I also have an autoimmunine disease and can relate to what you said. I love your blog and cookbooks. Continue to take care of yourself, enjoy your family, and do what you love. Thanks again!
nonibailey says
Thank you for sharing your journey this past year. Though I do not suffer with an auto immune disease, this past year was full of challenges for me and my family as well so I can appreciate your openness and vulnerability in sharing your experiences. I so look forward to reading your posts and recipes – keep up the great work as you are making a difference! Blessings to you and your family in 2015!
Marilyn says
I am wishing you all the best in 2015 Elana. I enjoy receiving your recipes and do print off those ones that Closely follow the Phase One and sometimes Phase Two Diet put forth by Doug Kaufmann which eliminates those foods that feed fungus and are contaminated by fungus. His website http://www.knowthecause.com has been and is very informative about disease and fungus in foods such as grains, which are commonly contaminated with fungus because of storage methods, corn, which is completely contaminated with fungus, peanuts, etc. Antibiotics, which are a mycotoxin, eliminates all the bacteria in the gut and because of our diet which is sugar laden and feeds the bad bacteria, the gut becomes overrun with it. There is also a book by Pam Bartha called Become A Wellness Champion who was diagnosed with MS in her late 20’s and told she would have to live with it. Well, 20 plus years later she is doing well with no symptoms of this disease. Diet plays a big roll in her program.
Nana says
Thank you so much for sharing your health journey. It makes you “real” and helps us all. Love your recipes and have forwarded your website to others who have gluten intolerance. Thank you. May the New Year bring you good health and joy.
Gabriella Kortsch says
You amazing lady … congratulations for all you do … so happy to hear you came to Spain where I live, albeit on the Mediterranean … while it’s not my birth country, it is – along with South Africa – one of the most beautiful countries I know.
Blessings to you and the work you do!
Judy says
I hope you’re feeling really loved right now because all these wonderful comments are echoed by not only myself but I’m sure many many others. Hopefully you feel a blanket of love and appreciation surrounding you for the blessing you have been to our lives. Truly you are an inspiration Elana and I’m so grateful for you. Thanks for your transparency…not always easy to do. But without being transparent you would probably not have known just how wonderful and appreciated you are! That’s the blessing of being vulnerable! Okay…on another note…a new addiction. As a recent coffee giver upper I believed you and ordered the Dandelion Root and Chickory. First time…not so convinced…Second time I made the most amazing latte with fresh made almond milk, coconut milk, a few drops of vanilla stevia, a tbsp. of butter, MCT oil and whipped it really well. It was amazing! No more coffee necessary! :) Inspiration? YOU! Thanks so much! You are making a difference! :)
Christy says
My thoughts, prayers and positive healing thoughts are with you. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope 2015 finds you in a better place. Thank you too for all your wonderful recipes. You introduced me to almond flour many years ago.