This year was full of surprises. Not the type that I was expecting. At all. As I mentioned in my “When Things Fall Apart” post, the traffic on this website, Elana’s Pantry, skyrocketed to over 900,000 unique monthly visitors, which was a good thing. Unfortunately, I had not scaled the site for such a high volume of traffic and so it crashed. And crashed. And crashed. Which was not a good thing.
I did not handle the stress well at all, taking it into my body, and by May of 2014 I experienced the first MS attack since the one that occurred in 2006 when I was diagnosed with this disease. I don’t often discuss living with a multiple sclerosis diagnosis, as it is something I make an effort not to think about. This keeps my nervous system calm, and I’m happier, which is healthier for myself and my family.
Living with a major condition like MS is far different than dealing with a digestive disorder such as celiac disease. An autoimmune disease of the digestive system is incredibly damaging, an autoimmune disease of the brain and central nervous system (CNS) is something else altogether that can affect the function of each and every part of the body. Many things broke this spring, and I spent time in hand therapy, pelvic floor therapy, and vision therapy, all on top of my regular physical therapy.
Generally, my family and I grieve over these types of tiny tragedies privately. We have processed this all year long as a family in various ways –sometimes through discussion and at other times silently. I did not write about this MS attack sooner as I wanted to give my family time to grieve, feel their own fears, and process this situation. I also felt the need to digest this experience prior to sharing it. This strange and complicated event took me a long time to sort though. I still am parsing it and making meaning from it. Now, strangely, I am stronger. Perhaps not emotionally. I’m still scared, and just a tad traumatized. I had compartmentalized the MS into the year 2006, the year of my diagnosis. This year, somehow the genie was let out of the bottle. That is frightening. However, I am stronger physically. I can walk farther and my core is stronger. I am more flexible. I am healing. I am living and breathing and thankful. Interestingly, my faith is stronger too. Prayer has been my pillar in these times. So often we think of prayer as asking for what we want. My prayers this year have been of gratitude for everything I have, this acceptance too has made me stronger.
Of course, my healing plan has been more critical than ever. I’ve made sure to get extra rest. I cut carbs out of my diet –no more cookies or fruit (ok, blueberries once in a while). Lots more fat, vegetables, and protein! My blood work is better than ever. The doctors are amazed. The drugs I took helped me. And yes, I took drugs. When you face the choice of going the medical route or ending up in a wheelchair the decision is a simple one. If you are uneasy with my choice that’s ok, sometimes I am too. I wish I could tell you that my diet saved my life. It didn’t. Unfortunately, my life isn’t that linear. It took a lot to get me sick, and it has taken a lot for me to get well. Life is complex. At least my life, with MS is.
Healing has so many different forms for me –an amazingly clean diet, loads of sleep (8 hours per night minimum), various forms of physical therapy, prayer, and drugs. And when it comes to drugs, I can tell you, try everything you can before taking them, but do not resist them entirely. Not because it makes you more “successful” in your healing process, but because the drugs you take will work much better and you will need to take much less of them, and have far fewer side effects resulting in less quality of life issues. And when you take drugs, take them with love and a prayer. If your body is open to them and the healing they provide, their positive effects will work more deeply. Your blessing, buy-in, positive thinking, and openness are everything no matter which remedy, or remedies you choose. Sleep, exercise, food, or drugs –whatever you choose to do, do it with love!
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Although I cancelled many activities that had been scheduled this year in order to take the time I needed to heal, I did keep one crucial commitment –a trip to Spain with our children. Part of the issue with being a parent and having a major health condition is showing up. You and your family will deal with a life of surprises and inconsistency. When dealing with a major, chronic illness, you can’t always be there, you can’t make it to every school play and activity. Being sick can make you unreliable. Some children adapt to this very well, others not so much. For my children, who have grown up with me in compromised health throughout their entire lives, I felt that taking a two week family trip was very important, something we hadn’t done before. We were all somewhat nervous about my taking the trip. Thankfully, with some very smart planning (a less than fast paced vacation) the trip turned out ok.
The photo above was taken of us in Barcelona at Gaudi’s Sagrada Familia church. So much of my healing comes from my faith. Mosques, temples, churches and other holy places of prayer are imbued with a special energy that I find inexplicably beautiful and healing. We spent much time in these types of places while in Spain.
I guess the biggest lesson I learned in 2014 was to take care of myself and do so with a gentle patience and loving kindness. I’m hoping that 2015 is a little easier, perhaps even a little smoother, but with my faith stronger than ever, I’m ready to face whatever comes my way.
Donna says
Thank you for sharing your story and all of your amazing work and recipes. You are inspiring and I wish you healing and wellness. Here is to all of us thriving in 2015!
Jackie Marie says
Thanks for your wonderful recipes. You are truly an inspiration. Sincerely wishing you will continue to be well.
lusciouslight says
Thank you for sharing your story.
Laurey Jaros says
Thank you, Elena, for this post. I am an elder, living with severe COPD. I, too, utilize drugs to help my lungs and heart, as like MS, COPD affects most of the organs in the body, And I use oxygen 24/7. This has been going on for 11 years now, and except for a few blips on the screen, it’s become somewhat part of day-to-day living. Except –this fall I found that there were too many things that I can no longer do and, at my doctor’s suggestion, signed on to hospice. The past almost 3 months have been some of the most ravaging, soul-searching times of my life. My faith definitely helped. Without it I doubt I would have gotten through to today. However, even with God and guru to fall back on, and with healing disciplines I’ve become familiar with through the years, its been something else. I do have a taste of what you are experiencing. Bless you, bless your family. May we all make peace with, love, and forgive ourselves and yes, accept it all in gratitude.
Laurey Jaros
Jennelle D says
Thank you for sharing your battles with us. You have blessed so many of us, all over the world, (me, in Australia) with your recipes and the way you communicate. Now that you have shared, we can return the blessing by praying for you.
Pamela R says
Thank you for your post. You have been an inspiration to our family as we learned about and dealt with realizing that one of our children has Celiac disease. Thank you.
jackie says
Blessings to you Elana! You are an incredibly strong, talented woman. i just want to let you know I run a Healthy Lifestyle Support community and I promote the paleo lifestyle and your cook books to help others improve their health. Thank you for pioneering others on to improved health through all you share!
Kate says
God Bless You, Elana! Thank you for your honesty and your continued commitment to your family, your health, and your blog. I have learned so much from you. Many blessings to you and yours in 2015.
Annie says
Thank you for sharing your story. I can so relate to it taking a lot of time to process big changes in our health. I have gone off all sweeteners and made several other major changes in an effort to recover from a postpartum Hashimoto’s flare. I am also giving low-dose naltrexone a try, which I first heard about from your site, so yes, thank you for sharing that sometimes it does take drugs. Drugs, and a very healthy diet and lifestyle. Wishing you all the best.
Monique says
I love your site Elana! I am so glad you share your site with us. I have tried recipes from other grain free sites but always come back to yours because the recipes are so reliable – always turning out tasty!
Thank you for your honesty as well. I too have an autoimmune disease and it makes life difficult to plan. I am so glad you were able to make the trip to Spain with your family and I so hope you enjoyed yourself.
Your boys have grown so much. I started reading your blog in 2007 and they were small back then.
I wanted to recommend a book to you that I have found helpful on my healing path – The Last Best Cure. Don’t let the title turn you away. It’s a great book by a fellow AI sufferer on how to manage stress and reverse the damage it does to the body. I wish you much health and happiness!!! xo