Recently a friend told me she was splitting up with her husband. I wasn’t sure what to say initially and an awkward silence ensued. I didn’t want to reply with something silly or insensitive. But when she referred to the elongated silence, I blurted out the only thought in my head, “mating for life is unnatural.”
These musings are for anyone who is married, divorced, or single.
Marriage is not easy. I’ve been with my husband for 25 years so saying this comes from a decent amount of experience. Being single is not easy. I remember that too, even though we met when I was 24 years old. I’m writing this for all of you looking at a screen, wondering why your life, or relationship isn’t as good as what you see looking back. And I can tell you one thing. It’s not real, it’s a picture.
I don’t want anyone to think that my life is perfect. Sure, I enjoy putting my best foot forward here. But that’s so I can provide you, my readers with a calm, kind, and comforting refuge in the sea of food allergies and health issues that so many of us confront each day.
The fact is though, that my life is messy. I have health issues that I deal with. I have teenagers that I argue with routinely, and a husband that I’ve fought with far more than my fair share. Things aren’t always smooth. Sometimes they aren’t ever smooth. Still, it’s my life. I’m taking ownership of it, which in my worldview is the most important thing.
This summer I turn 50. This impending milestone has made me a bit more pensive than usual. It’s also helped me to focus on simplicity and be grateful for all that I have. So thank you for being here and reading this. I’m so glad we are connected and healing together, working day-in-and-day-out to make the world a better place.
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Felicia says
Happy Birthday! Thanks for this post – it’s nice to read real life once in a while.
Elana says
Thanks Felicia!
Sally says
Happy 50th Elana! I love your calm demeanor and your marvelously honest posts. The two really feel good together. We celebrated our 40th anniversary yesterday and I didn’t tell very many people. So many folks take grandiose vacations to celebrate and share on social media, but that is not my thing. Way too competitive for my liking and if I compare MY celebration w/ anyone else, I will be disappointed and that’s not fair to me or my husband. The reality is that 40 years w/ the same person is insanely hard, but there are gifts in there as well. However, it’s not for everyone. And some DO have an easier time in their marriages and with their children than others. However, of all the people I’ve known in my 65 years, I’ve truly only met 2 couples who fall into the “made for each other” category, and both have had difficult children, which I have not (yet). It’s life. We learn our lessons based on what falls in front of us or what we dive in front of. The paths we choose on purpose or by chance determine the lessons we learn. Congratulations on accomplishing many things in your life. You definitely have the “calm” delivery down. I thoroughly enjoy your site and your writings!
Elana says
Sally, thanks for your birthday wishes and amazing comment! For my 50th birthday my husband and I went out for dinner with our two boys and it was absolutely perfect. So I relate to simple celebration theme! And yes, “The paths we choose on purpose or by chance determine the lessons we learn.” Very well said! I will remember that :-)
Marci says
I love all the wonderfully wise and deeply reflective comments here – and it’s all because of you being your authentic self and sharing your personal experiences and super recipes. We in the 50 + club are a widely ignored and/ or disparaged group, no doubt about it – by we are stronger together! I turned 55 this summer and made some significant changes: from trying out simplicity (it’s hard!) to losing 20 lbs (still going for the final 10), to starting my own business and saying why yes I will get my nose pierced ! (My husband of 35 years likes it too, which is a plus). So I raise a glass of dandelion mocha tea (or something more spirited if it’s a weekend night) to you and all the great things still ahead. Thank you for all you do! Xo Marci
Elana says
Marci, what an awesome comment! We are truly stronger together. I raise a Mojito Popsicle to you :-)
Billy Lo says
Elana
It is the Banana bread my friend made that introduced me to your blog. It’s your cookbooks that guide me through the Paleo journey. You have certainly accomplished more than many at your age. Let’s enjoy our lives ahead for many years to come.
Elana says
Hi Billy! Thanks so much for your lovely comment :-)
Jersey Girl says
Happy birthday, Elana! Thank you for sharing your delicious recipes and your words of wisdom. I think everyone has a messy life one way or another. It’s all about keeping a positive attitude. I will turn 47 this year, so I’m right behind you. I’m lucky to have good health and I feel the same as when I was in college. I have a full time job and 2 boys ages 13 and 10 years old. My 13 year old son has autism as a result of a vaccine injury. Your gluten-free recipes have helped him so much! Life is never easy! Luckily, I have a wonderful husband who helps me a lot. I try to keep a positive attitude and be grateful for what I have. Enjoy your birthday and many more!
Elana says
Jersey Girl, I totally agree, it’s all about keeping a positive attitude. I’m so glad to be on this healing path with you and your family :-)
Frances says
Hi Jersey Girl :-)
I’m One Too ;-) And My Youngest Son (17) Has Autism as well. YES! Thank GOD For Elana’s GF and Other Diet’s I Use for My Son. It was HARD Work, To Find Out How To STOP! His Pain. I Was Told in 2002. I as Well As The Medical Field, Teacher’s and Education++. Were Pretty Much In the Dark About Autism. IT JUST EXPLODED!!! One Day. Elana, WAS/IS A HUGE Part Of My Son NOT Needing to Be On Medication(s) He Had Autism Bad Too. Non Verbal, As Well As Food Allergies, Sensory Everything, Abused at School’s+++. But! He’s My Baby :-) GOD Trusted Me To Do My Best For Him :-) It Starts With LOVE, PRAYER, FAITH :-) This Is What Lead Me To Elana’s Site. GOD BLESS YOU Elana for Your Gift’s And Sharing Them. HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY :-) GOD Bless You
Elana says
Frances, thanks for your sweet comment. Your son is very lucky to have you and I’m so glad we’re all on this healing journey together :-)
Frances says
We Are LUCKY To Have You Too Elana :-) You Really Are A Role Model :-) Plus I Can Cheat Without Cheating ;-) Thank You so Much For Your Kind Words :-) The Hardest Thing Was/is How My Family “my 4 older kids” bailed out. Because their Partners Were Embarrassed Of tge Things That Come With Autism. And the Different States Of It. I EVEN Had A Dr Tell Me. “OFF THE RECORD” If He Was My Son. I Would Put Him In An Institution . Don’t Look Back! And Throw Away The KEY!. He Was Only 2 Years and 3 Months Old When I Was Told This! I Then Said To the Dr “ON THE RECORD” Its Not Up To You. I6ts Up To GOD and Me. And My Son. As Well AS Other Children With Autism Are Here For A Reason! With This MAN MADE DISABILITY!! As You Can See! LOOK AT AUTISM AND IMMUNIZATIONS! GOD ALWAYS HAS A PLAN ;-) Elana Thank you For Helping to Heal Our Kids/ All Kids. You Are True Blue :-)
Elana says
Frances, thanks so much for your passionate words on behalf of those who cannot always advocate for themselves!
Anna says
Elana, thank you so much for this. I have been following you for a very long time and your continuos road to health inspires me. I myself have been feeling ill for a very long time but knowing that there’s people like you out there, people that are honest and are not afraid of sharing their story makes me want to believe that the world is beautiful and that people have beautiful hearts too. You are one of those people. All the best ?
Elana says
Anna, thanks so much for your beautiful and inspiring comment. I’m so glad we are on this healing path together :-)
Isabel says
Happy birthday for you Elana. Life is good regardless of the stones on the road. I am following the steps to 50 too and I start appreciating more what I have also making the best of what is here for me. Thank you for your recipies and for sharing your stories.
Elana says
Isabel, thanks for your sweet birthday wishes and your kind words :-)
Zahia says
Happy Birthday Elana.. Yes, we think our lives are messy but I bet when we will be very very old and looking back at our lives, we will remember those messy times with tenderness in our hearts. Then we may realize that the little things in life were in facts the big things….
It is all about doing our best and accepting the ups and downs of our human existence.
Thank you for being authentic and beautiful, Elana. You are an example!
Elana says
Zahia, what an amazing comment! I totally agree with you when you say, “we will remember those messy times with tenderness in our hearts. Then we may realize that the little things in life were in facts the big things.” Thanks for helping me remember that :-)
Erin Jade says
Elana thank you for your candor, bravery, strength and inspiration. It’s a comfort to receive your recipes and musings. You look amazing and happy birthday!
Elana says
Erin, thanks so much for your lovely comment! You made my day :-)
Theresa Jelliffe says
A great theologian once said about marriage: “When you decide to marry, God says to you: ‘Come and die . . . .'” We have to stop thinking about ourselves and consider what is best for the “other” and that is very difficult. Be happy your 40’s are over — they are very difficult “40 years in the desert” when our bodies are changing along with values, ideas, relationships, etc. Turning 50 is really a new decade where life seems to “come together” in many respects. Possessions lose their meaning & influence, friends prove true or otherwise, relatives cannot manipulate us anymore, and spirituality deepens. It is all good Elana, and so are YOU!
Elana says
Thanks for your wise words Theresa!
Bob Roeske says
Congrats on reaching 50. That is still quite young and there are many good years ahead supported by your lifestyle. Every 10 years I would take an assessment, and sometimes take up another activity that would keep me “going.” At 75 I still cycle daily and won’t consider myself old until I can no longer ride. The truth is you can be as good looking at 75 and have lots of energy, maybe not quite as much as at 50. The key that so many people lose is that they give up living too soon and fall into and old age mentality. Losing it physically and mentally then follows.
Happy birthday!
Elana says
Bob, thanks for the wonderful words of wisdom! I really appreciate your sentiments and attitude :-)