Recently a friend told me she was splitting up with her husband. I wasn’t sure what to say initially and an awkward silence ensued. I didn’t want to reply with something silly or insensitive. But when she referred to the elongated silence, I blurted out the only thought in my head, “mating for life is unnatural.”
These musings are for anyone who is married, divorced, or single.
Marriage is not easy. I’ve been with my husband for 25 years so saying this comes from a decent amount of experience. Being single is not easy. I remember that too, even though we met when I was 24 years old. I’m writing this for all of you looking at a screen, wondering why your life, or relationship isn’t as good as what you see looking back. And I can tell you one thing. It’s not real, it’s a picture.
I don’t want anyone to think that my life is perfect. Sure, I enjoy putting my best foot forward here. But that’s so I can provide you, my readers with a calm, kind, and comforting refuge in the sea of food allergies and health issues that so many of us confront each day.
The fact is though, that my life is messy. I have health issues that I deal with. I have teenagers that I argue with routinely, and a husband that I’ve fought with far more than my fair share. Things aren’t always smooth. Sometimes they aren’t ever smooth. Still, it’s my life. I’m taking ownership of it, which in my worldview is the most important thing.
This summer I turn 50. This impending milestone has made me a bit more pensive than usual. It’s also helped me to focus on simplicity and be grateful for all that I have. So thank you for being here and reading this. I’m so glad we are connected and healing together, working day-in-and-day-out to make the world a better place.
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Ceci says
Happy Birthday, Elana! My three daughters and I have been loyal followers since your first book. Your honesty about your family has endeared you to us all along. We know you by your first name! Your struggles with your health have found prayers from us for healing and you have given us and so many encouragement and amazing recipes through your blogs. Thank you!
Happy 50th and many more!
Elana says
Ceci, thanks for your wonderful birthday wishes. I’m so happy to be part of your family’s healing journey :-)
Melissa says
Thank you for sharing! I have been following your blog for years and have your books. I have truly appreciated everything you have shared, thank you thank you thank you!
Elana says
Melissa, you’re welcome :-)
kate says
Happy Birthday Elana! I live in Colorado and you’re the first person I came across when I significantly changed what I ate over 8 years ago. Your recipes are so easy and by far my favorite. Thanks for leading the way.
Elana says
Kate, thanks for your amazing comment! I really appreciate your feedback about my recipes being so easy as that is a big goal of mine :-)
Denise (Sulten Skat) says
Happy Birthday, Elana! It’s a gift to live a life with a wide range of experiences and emotions. That’s a rich life, in my humble opinion. Thank you for sharing your life experiences and food journey. It’s especially refreshing in an age where so much of what we read is…dare I say, “overly positive” as if everything needs to be all rainbows and sunshine all of the time. I believe that the richness of life often comes from its challenges and we ought not shy away from this. It is truly inspiring to read how you handle your challenges with such grace. And yes, marriage is hard at times. It’s nice to hear someone else say this because it is a very real statement. I find that marriage fine tunes a person. I’m in a constant state of fine tuning myself! :)
Elana says
Denise, I totally agree with your statement, “marriage fine tunes a person.” I love that and will think of it often :-)
Christine says
Happy Birthday andthanks for your honest reflections. I am 53 and have been married 31 years. I am going through perimenopause stuff and experiencing frustration but I know I’m not alone in life. If you have faith, a good attitude and a partner in life, then you come out on the other side of struggles stronger. My husband and I certainly see things differently which of course leads to disagreement, but we support one another.
I am thankful for your website and that you go beyond food issues. All the organs in our body are connected and I have been learning so much this summer about the immune system. Your recent blogs about EMF’s had me thinking and then I heard more this summer which has lead us to begin making changes in our home which I hope will lead to better sleep and health for my whole family. We are not done yet but we in the process (including removing my amalgam fillings).
Elana says
Christine, thanks for sharing some of your personal story here. It sounds like you are totally on the right track with removing fillings and EMF. I hope you’ll stop back by and keep me posted on your progress!
Cathi says
Thank you Elana and happy birthday. You were the constant steady when I developed health issues. I turned to your cookbooks and blog for daily inspirations. Now with improved health, I still follow you faithfully. No life is perfect but its the only one we are given and must make the best of it. I lost my dad last August and my second husband last September. Needless to say its been a challenging year, but I choose to see the glass half full. Blessings to you and your family and continued better healrh.
Elana says
Cathi, thanks so much for your touching birthday wishes! I’m sorry about all that you’ve gone through in the last year but glad that we can connect here.
Marthea says
Way to go Elana’s,
For those of you worrying about grey hair , forget it.
Mine has all fallen out, not a good look on a woman ?
But you know what, there are worse problems, I just wear a wig and get on with it.
I turned 50 some (long) time ago. And I took stock of my life and made lots of positive changes.
Yes life can be messy and it’s seldom fair but we only have one, so make the best of it.
Listen to your body and love and support your family and friends
God Bless you all
Elana says
Thanks Marthea! Blessings to you too:-)
kim lloyd says
“The most beautiful stones have been tossed by the wind and crushed by the water and polished to brilliance by life’s strongest storms.”
Elana says
Kim, thanks so much for your beautiful words!
adriana says
Congrats…I am 50 also am dealing with health issues, raising a family of 5 youngest 5 eldest 19 and all in between. Been married 24 years and life can be a mess at times and difficult. With challenges and growth
Thanks for sharing your heart. To know you too are normal everyday mama!
Elana says
Adriana, it’s great to be a normal everyday mama on this path with you!
Karen D says
Mating for life is natural for wolves and geese and other animals. And it’s the way God intended for us to live our lives. Real love is forever and it’s a decision to commit, not a feeling that comes and goes. I have been through a divorce in which I had no choice, and sometimes that happens, but society has made it so easy and acceptable that people don’t try very hard anymore. I think it was Michael Martin Murphy who sang the song– What’s forever for?
Elana says
Karen, thanks for your comment and so sorry to hear about what you’ve been through.