Recently a friend told me she was splitting up with her husband. I wasn’t sure what to say initially and an awkward silence ensued. I didn’t want to reply with something silly or insensitive. But when she referred to the elongated silence, I blurted out the only thought in my head, “mating for life is unnatural.”
These musings are for anyone who is married, divorced, or single.
Marriage is not easy. I’ve been with my husband for 25 years so saying this comes from a decent amount of experience. Being single is not easy. I remember that too, even though we met when I was 24 years old. I’m writing this for all of you looking at a screen, wondering why your life, or relationship isn’t as good as what you see looking back. And I can tell you one thing. It’s not real, it’s a picture.
I don’t want anyone to think that my life is perfect. Sure, I enjoy putting my best foot forward here. But that’s so I can provide you, my readers with a calm, kind, and comforting refuge in the sea of food allergies and health issues that so many of us confront each day.
The fact is though, that my life is messy. I have health issues that I deal with. I have teenagers that I argue with routinely, and a husband that I’ve fought with far more than my fair share. Things aren’t always smooth. Sometimes they aren’t ever smooth. Still, it’s my life. I’m taking ownership of it, which in my worldview is the most important thing.
This summer I turn 50. This impending milestone has made me a bit more pensive than usual. It’s also helped me to focus on simplicity and be grateful for all that I have. So thank you for being here and reading this. I’m so glad we are connected and healing together, working day-in-and-day-out to make the world a better place.
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Lisa says
Love!! Thank you, Elana, for sharing your journey and thoughts with us readers each week! Wishing you a wonderfully fantastic year!! ?
Lisa
(From Denver)
Elana says
Lisa, thanks for being on this healing journey with me :-)
camille says
Elana, Thank you for your honesty. It was encouraging for me to hear you deal with the same things I do as a wife and mother but also as a someone who is trying to figure out her health.
I appreciate the time you spend sharing your recipes and experiences with all of us on your website. Thank you for the wealth of knowledge you have shared with me.
Happy 50th Birthday Elana! I will be 50 this month too.
-Camille
Elana says
Camille, thanks so much and happy birthday to you too!
Elizabeth says
One year after I turned 50, I finally decided I had to do with my naturopath had been advising for years; namely, delete gluten, dairy, and grains from my life. A very embarrassing episode Involving a lack of bowel control in a public place decided it for me. But what made it actually possible for me, once I made the decision, was your website. Seven years later, I’m thinner and much healthier. Happy birthday and thank you for your honesty about your life because it’s nice to see you’re just like the rest of us, too!
Elana says
Elizabeth, thanks for sharing your personal story here. I’m so glad my website has been helpful for you and that we are on this healing journey together :-)
Holly says
Check out @grombre on instagram and you’ll see women from all over the world growing out their silver! Really inspiring. I decided last year at 51 to stop colouring and see what it looks like. Well almost a year later it just looks like highlights. I can’t believe the $ I wasted in my 40’s thinking I had so much grey lol . Also I’m keeping it shoulder length or longer! It would be wild to have long silver hair!
Elana says
Holly, I’m still on the fence and haven’t done any coloring yet. Will be sure to check this out!
BC says
Elana,
You continue to amaze me with your candor and insight… and the fact you seem to reply to every comment. I often think our marriage of 30 plus years is succesful because it is messy and we are ok with the mess…two people’s interests, complications, likes and dislikes, great traits and annoying habits, the differences that attract us and pull us apart – wonderful in totality, but not always in the moment.
And aging…more days behind me than ahead, trying to make the most of every day is its own challenge at times.
Elana says
BC, I love what you said here, “two people’s interests, complications, likes and dislikes, great traits and annoying habits, the differences that attract us and pull us apart – wonderful in totality, but not always in the moment.” Couldn’t agree with you more! I love answering comments and being connected to you, and everyone here on the website which is a web of wonderful connections :-)
Joy says
Happy Birthday! Thanks for being so genuine. I just love it!
Elana says
Thanks Joy!
G says
Happy Birthday, Elana…thank you for so many great recipes, books, new information, and one of those websites where we are not shamed for our combination health and food challenges. As a celiac, I thought things would be easier just eating gluten free, but that was the tip of the food iceberg for me…now it’s GF/Paleo/FODMAPS/Autoimmune Diet. Wow.
Elana says
G, you’re welcome! I’m so happy that my website is a warm and comfortable place for us to connect :-)
Jan Mumma says
Happy Birthday Elena. Passed 50 many years ago and life is still messy. My husband of 38 years and I still have arguments, but we still love each other. I’ve been dealing with celiac disease for over 10 years and so enjoy your recipes and personal comments. Hope your health issues don’t overwhelm you.
Elana says
Jan, thanks so much for your comment! I’m really glad to hear you are enjoying my recipes :-)
Amy says
We live in a very tough world. Here I am a pioneer woman West Pount graduate who was very successful as a junior Army Officer. But then health challenges and systemic abuses from gang stalking and even child services lead to losses I could’ve never imagined. Because of these experiences I am very aware of the difficult times we live in. I am learning to be thankful for what I have and ignore the decades of loss and pain. For those with better luck, thank God and work peacefully and lovingly for a better world. You are obviously doing this Elena. TY!!! Wishing you a beatiful, happy and successful decade. I see that those whom stayed in a long marriage are indeed lucky and exercised great perseverance. Congratulations and Happy belated Birthday! All the Best!
Elana says
Amy, thanks for sharing your personal story here, I’m so sorry for all that you’ve been through and glad that we are on this path of healing together.
Frances says
WOW! AMY I’am So Sorry to Have Read This. WOW! Talk About This Is My Life! I’m Glad to have Read The Progress And Strength That You Are Getting/Doing. GOD BLESS YOU. I Usually do not write In Reply Blogs. But, I Hope that Elana Knows The Positive Affect that She Has On Many Of Us. She Is A Role Model Of/For Strength. Thank you for Sharing Amy. And Elana, I Myself Have Many Things to Thank You For Too. :-)
Elana says
Frances, thanks for all of your wonderful comments and incredible positivity :-)
Darkhorse says
Happy Birthday Elana! I just turned 50 myself! Thank you for sharing your journey with all of us. I appreciate you! :)
Elana says
Darkhorse, Happy Birthday!