Recently a friend told me she was splitting up with her husband. I wasn’t sure what to say initially and an awkward silence ensued. I didn’t want to reply with something silly or insensitive. But when she referred to the elongated silence, I blurted out the only thought in my head, “mating for life is unnatural.”
These musings are for anyone who is married, divorced, or single.
Marriage is not easy. I’ve been with my husband for 25 years so saying this comes from a decent amount of experience. Being single is not easy. I remember that too, even though we met when I was 24 years old. I’m writing this for all of you looking at a screen, wondering why your life, or relationship isn’t as good as what you see looking back. And I can tell you one thing. It’s not real, it’s a picture.
I don’t want anyone to think that my life is perfect. Sure, I enjoy putting my best foot forward here. But that’s so I can provide you, my readers with a calm, kind, and comforting refuge in the sea of food allergies and health issues that so many of us confront each day.
The fact is though, that my life is messy. I have health issues that I deal with. I have teenagers that I argue with routinely, and a husband that I’ve fought with far more than my fair share. Things aren’t always smooth. Sometimes they aren’t ever smooth. Still, it’s my life. I’m taking ownership of it, which in my worldview is the most important thing.
This summer I turn 50. This impending milestone has made me a bit more pensive than usual. It’s also helped me to focus on simplicity and be grateful for all that I have. So thank you for being here and reading this. I’m so glad we are connected and healing together, working day-in-and-day-out to make the world a better place.
Debi says
Happy birthday! I just turned 53 on the 9th and I too am seeking simplicity more and more. Thank you for sharing and inspiring! ❤
Elana says
Debi, Happy Birthday!
Emilie West says
Happy Birthday Elena, thank you for your wonderful openness and letting all your readers into your kitchen and into your life. However messy you may feel some days please know you are contributing a great deal of positivity to others.
Elana says
Emilie, thanks for your birthday wishes and sweet words :-)
Stephen Melancon says
Hi Elana,
Congrats on turning 50. I will be turning 59 next month. I wanted to reply to your message , because I usually don’t , to tell you that I have been using your recipes and loving every bite. You have helped me to follow a meal plan that I have created and look somewhat fit for my age. I get compliments all the time. It helps that my hair is still naturally brown with just hints of grey.
You are correct on the subject of marriage . My wife and I disagree from time to time , but hey , who doesn’t . I believe that you get out of marriage what you put into it. It definitely is a two way street . We both work which adds to the stress , but we learn to forget and forgive.
Keep doing what it is your doing , because it is working well for you. You look amazingly younger in your 50’s photo. I’ll continue to enjoy your great recipes and live a happier life. Thank you for sharing them with us.
Elana says
Stephen, thanks so much for taking the time to leave this comment! It means so much to me that you did :-)
Karen Bata says
Happy Birthday Elana, I turned 49 this summer and married 26 years. I know exactly what you’re saying. Keep up the good work you’re doing, love your books and emails. Blessings your way.
Elana says
Karen, thanks so much and blessings to you too!
Ally says
Thanks for being real Elana! Your authenticity is appreciated.
Elana says
Ally, thanks for your comment! Authenticity is where it’s at :-)
Christine says
Thanks Elana for your post, I’m 60 tomorrow and my life gets messy as well, but I always go back to simplicity and being grateful for what I have. As the years pass we all need to enjoy the present, be well xx
Elana says
Christine, happy birthday!
Anna says
I really hate social media for the perfect picture it paints of people’s lives. Posts like this one really resonate with me. I love your candor. Thanks for putting it out there. My life and loves are imperfect. It’s reassuring to know that others are reflecting on similar aspects.
Elana says
Anna, thanks for your wonderful comment!
sophia Kristjansson says
Hello Elana,
Happy, happy birthday! It’s been far too long since we connected. I enjoy your posts – and food. I’ll never forget the wonderful smells and tastes that came from your kitchen when the boys were young, and you had many recipes to test and share. I appreciate your artful description of life and can relate completely to the respite of work and the messy nature of family. It’s a journey.
Xoxo,
Sophia
Elana says
Sophia, it’s so nice to hear from you! Thanks for your birthday wishes and I hope you all are well :-)
Tina McDermott says
Thank you Elana for an excellent blog on turning 50 and how life is messy! I so agree with you as I will be 50 as well next month and have been married for only 15 years. I have a ton of health issues and allergies that I deal with as well and life is messy! My husband and I love each other to pieces and we are not perfect. We argue about something and five minutes later, we make up. It’s been our way from the beginning. Life is about Joy and when messy finds you, remind the mess that you prefer joy.
Thank you for all of your inspiring messages and yummy recipes as I have been following you for many years and recommend you to all of my clients as well.
Love and hugs..Tina McDermott
Elana says
Tina, I love your perspective, “Life is about Joy and when messy finds you, remind the mess that you prefer joy.” Absolutely perfect!
Rita says
Ladies l can relate to all of your wonderful insight on life and marriage having been married 42 years; but I must help you on one thing……..our hair turns platinum not gray! Platinum and pepper and when the season comes own it and know that you have earned it! LOL blessings in abundance from Louisville, KY!
Elana, I have been a fan for quite some time. Thank you for helping to make a difference! Onward!
Elana says
Rita, well said about the hair! I’m so glad my blog has made a difference :-)
Carole says
Thank you to you Elana for this beautiful sharing. I think just like you about marriage and celibacy, having been single a very long time, it’s not easier than being a couple, you just have no one to persist.
I live like you many health problems and allergies and you have become an inspiration for me. Even though holding this blog is sometimes difficult for you, know that it was thanks to you that it was easier to change my diet and regain my health.
Continue your magnificent work
Elana says
Carole, what an amazing comment! You totally made my day. Thanks so much :-)
Sami says
Enjoy your 50th when it comes around. I’m 57, married for 37. Marriage and life is not always easy, ups and downs, but we try our best.
I certainly feel sorry that some people get divorced in their later years, it must be so hard to accept! I always think that if you manage to stay together for 20 or 30 years why split then?
Elana says
Sami, I totally agree :-)