I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 2006. Although my life has taken many twists and turns since then, I’ve kept my chin up with my own brand of spectacularly relentless optimism.
Recently though, after taking our first family vacation in two years, I was feeling a bit down. Prior to this trip I hadn’t been well enough get on an airplane and travel much, so my husband and the boys had been vacationing without me, which I fully supported. I don’t think it makes sense for others to be deprived due to my limitations.
However, when we returned from our trip, I wasn’t feeling awesome. Some of my symptoms had increased and I felt somewhat anxious about that. I felt grumpy that instead of working out to feel good, I was digging myself out of a hole. It doesn’t really make much sense on a rational level, and yet, a lot was stirred up within me. I think travel does that to many people whether we’re dealing with chronic health issues or we’re in perfect physical shape.
In any event, to clear my head, I went down to our basement to have some quiet time. I wanted to move and stretch and do gentle yoga. As my mind cleared and my anxiety died down, I was filled with new feelings that were not familiar to me.
In my typical world outlook, everything has a reason. Even the smallest events have meaning, and my life is filled with purpose. But, for a few minutes, I let that view unravel and allowed my mind to wander. As my thoughts moved around, I wondered, what if I have this illness for no reason at all? What if I’m sick and it simply sucks? What if there are no lessons to learn? What if this isn’t supposed to make me a better person? How can I make any sense at all of the damage this disease has done to me, and by extension to my family?
For a few short minutes I let myself feel the weight of having been diagnosed with this serious neurological condition that we refer to as multiple sclerosis. I let myself truly understand the reality of it. From that I finally permitted myself to utter a silent complaint, and I fully came to terms with the fact that I don’t enjoy dealing with the limitations, complications, and baggage that hitchhike along with MS. The worst thought of the bunch swimming through my head? What if I don’t get well? Ever?!
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In those few minutes, with all of those questions splashing around the ocean of my mind, it was the perfect time to stop thinking and let the tears sprout from my eyes and splatter across my face.
Then something happened. In letting go of my iron-willed optimism I was able to grieve a bit, and it felt good to be sad. It felt congruent. I had let go of some stubborn determination which was covering up anger and more than a touch of perfectionism. I had admitted to myself, that I don’t like this. In fact, I don’t like any part of it!
I’m totally ready to let go of this disease if that can happen. I work towards that end every single day in everything I do, from carving out enough time for sleep, to eating well, and getting just the right amount of exercise, along with prayer and affirmation. At the same time, I’m also ready to deal with whatever comes my way.
I’m relieved that I’m no longer forcing myself to pretend that I’m ok with the burden of this disease, because there’s nothing ok about living with a disability like MS. It’s awful for me, in ways that I will not go into here. It’s equally rough for my husband and children. They are tasked with the incongruity of watching a loved one suffer from a major illness, while carrying on with the normality of their everyday lives.
aussiebushgirl says
Hi Elana. Have you looked into stem cell therapy treatment? I recently viewed a couple of documentaries in which two Australian MS sufferers who, because this treatment is not available here in Australia, looked into treatment options in Russia – both were successfully treated! The treatment doesn’t work for everyone I believe, but it is worth looking into. ~ heather x
Elana says
Yes, I have been researching it since 2015 and it looks incredibly promising :-)
Sarah says
My brother got stem cell replacement in Puebla, Mexico. His MS symptoms were categorized as the worst in his group. He is 100% disabled and cannot feed himself. But this treatment helped him immensely and he’s still improving. Plus the clinic in Puebla and everyone who works there are the absolute loveliest!
Alisha says
Thank you so much for posting this…it’s exactly how i’ve been feeling lately and exactly what I needed to hear, especially yesterday and today! Your timing couldn’t have been more perfect for posting this and me seeing it! I too have been unwell the last several months, wondering if I’ll ever get better and be able to travel comfortably and without worry again like I used to do. In summer, I got sick and was given a lot of antibiotics and some steroids, which led me to get a rather resistant strain of candida in my body, that I’m now fighting. I’m fairly new to your site but have been looking at it more and more each month as I’m following a stricter diet to try to help get rid of the candida (mostly veggies, meats, nuts, and very minimal fruit). Your recipes have been awesome and a huge help to me as I go through this, so I can at least avoid eating the same boring meal every single day and get SOME variety; so thank you so much for creating this site and sharing all your wonderful recipes!! Also, thank you so much for sharing your MS story, which I didn’t know about until now; it makes me feel a little less alone going through what I’m going through to know there’s others out there trying to tackle an ongoing health issue with a better diet and lifestyle as well, like I’ve been trying to do recently also. Thanks so much! I feel a greater connection to you, and you are an inspiration to me. :)
Elana says
Awww, thanks Alisha. So glad we are on this healing path together :-)
Judy Halpain says
Hi Elana, Thank you for your post. Years ago a co-worker told me about her Lupus symptoms, and I gave her a couple articles on MSM and DHEA. After taking those supplements, especially the MSM, she recovered from many of her Lupus symptoms (much less pain and skin issues). I also use those on and off, especially the MSM, and notice that it is the particular kind used by Swanson brand (TruFlex MSM) that makes the difference for me. Also their DHEA. My friend still takes about 6 MSM each day, (1 gram capsules), but no longer uses the 25 mg. of DHEA. When she discontinued the MSM after heart surgery, some of her lupus symptoms returned, and her surgeon said to continue with the MSM.
My husband had passed on the HSV2 virus to me and I find that the standardized Olive Leaf (Natural Factors 500 mg. capsules) helps keep it under control most of the time. For many years I had fibromyalgia, but a chiropractor tested and found my ileocecal valve was staying open, and showed me how to close it with some massage to the area. I also came to see that staying away from processed foods and white sugar made a big difference, as well as taking digestive enzymes. Thank you for sharing your experiences and the great recipes. : )
Elana says
You’re welcome Judy :-)
Judie says
Thanks Elana for sharing all the great info. I read some of your post on EMF and was so glad that you are looking at your environment. I started my health journey with food and ended up following Dr Jack Kruse. He has been educating us on our environment and nnemf (non native emf). One of the worst is blue light at night (circadian mismatch). This can be mitigated easily with Uvex blue light blocking glasses. Even my kids realize they help them sleep better. I know you have received alot of recommendations but I hope you can listen to Dr Kruse’s podcast with Cognitive Rampage as he goes over all his info from the last few years – https://www.jackkruse.com/podcasts/. This website has a lot of his podcasts so you will have to page down to the one with Cognitive Rampage.
Thank you for everything you share. I really enjoy your books and recipes. You are amazing!
Elana says
Judie, agreed, Jack Kruse is great. I wrote about blue light here in 2014:
https://elanaspantry.com/five-ways-better-nights-sleep/
Thanks,
Elana
Mae says
I just started blue light filter and prism therapy in my glasses. Really makes a difference in energy.
Elana says
Mae, that sounds great. Filtering out blue light is so important! I wrote about it here:
https://elanaspantry.com/five-ways-better-nights-sleep/
Enjoy!
Elana
Timberly says
Hi,
I was wondering if you have looked into GIA Wellness, http://nettrax.myvoffice.com/giawellness/ShoppingCart/Shop.cfm?CurrPage=FrontPage&NextPage=CategoryDetail&CategoryID=162&pid=549827609973253112 They make items to be worn or attached to electronic devices to protect against EMFs.
Elana says
Thanks Timberly!
Marlana says
Elana,
You did describe what it means to have any chronic disease like MS. It is okay to grieve the limitations that you have because of this. You are human. Feel what you feel in the moment is healthier than pretending that you are forever optimistic. I am going through something right now that has me limited and I hate it. I hope that I will get better but there are definitely days that I doubt that but I refuse to give up.
Elana says
Thanks for your amazing words Marlana :-)
Jane Reinholz says
Your positive attitude, insightful thoughts and acceptance are inspiring to so many people that follow you, subscribe to your recipes and truly care for you. May God bless you and your family with love, patience and good health. You’ve accomplished so much already by researching healthy methods to control auto-immune disease and creating recipes that you so kindly share with all of us. Thank you for all that you do Elana!
Elana says
Thanks Jane! I’m so happy we are on this healing journey together :-)
Patricia Vaughan says
Kudos to you! You are such an inspiration to so many! I needed to read your post today as I have been battling my own health issues and had just returned from a long walk, during which I beseeched the DIvine for direction and help! Viola, in comes your post! THANK YOU!
Have you heard of Tosha Silver? I’ve just finished reading her book on letting go, quite humorous and powerful. Her books are titled “Outrageous Openness” and “Prayers to the Divine”
Also, a book Called “How to Heal yourself when No one Else Can” by Amy B Scher, heal mind, body and spirit. She cured herself of Lyme using energy work to release her blocked emotions and beliefs that she didn’t know were holding her back.
I am slowly learning to let go and be led in the grace and power of something bigger than me, hard to “trust” in the wisdom of it all, when I can’t see or know the path, but fighting it and willing it to change is not working, so I figure the “real lesson” must be in the “letting go”.
We are strong inside ourselves, I trust love and truth have to prevail.
Thanks again, many blessings to you and your family,
Patricia
Elana says
Thanks Patricia, I totally agree :-)
Alisha says
Patricia, I feel exactly like your post stated. I too have been battling health issues and needed something yesterday and next thing I know I see Elana’s post! I’m also trying to just let go and just trust in something higher & bigger than me, even though I don’t know or can’t see the path for sure… its very hard. I just wanted to respond to your post because it was nice to know someone else is feeling how I am. Thanks for stating this here for me to see. :)
Elana says
Awww, thanks so much to both of you :-)
Kaye says
I have had MS since I was 11 years old. I am on a constant journey to learn more about my health spiritually, physically and mentally. Thank you for letting me tag along on yours. You have been a real encouragement and inspiration to me. I have just been introduced to DMSO. So much information to google on this product. I have been using it for a couple of weeks now and I am impressed. It may be something to check out for yourself. Stay strong sweet Elana.
Elana says
Thanks for your amazing comment Kaye! You are an inspiration. I will look into DMSO :-)
Carol Wagner says
I found your website when searching for gluten-free Passover recipes. Everything I’ve made has been fabulous. I teach wellness classes and often direct clients to your website and books. Thank you!
As for the MS, I had early symptoms, many years ago, and discovered that my vitamin D levels were abysmal. Working with my holistic practitioner, I’ve found that consistently keeping my D levels up made a big difference for me.
Also, many clients have benefited from adding EFT – Emotional Freedom Technique – to their mix of diet and exercise. You can learn more at thetappingsolution.com. Your comments about the relief you found with both prayer and grieving made me think that EFT might be a modality you’ll want to explore, if you haven’t already.
Thank you for the transparency and love with which you offer your fabulous recipes and your story!
Elana says
Thanks Carol, I have been tracking my vitamin D levels since around 2003 and it has been very helpful. I also love EFT and have found tapping to be amazing :-)
Jersey Girl says
Dear Elana,
This is a wonderful post. You do have a purpose in this life with your MS. My son was vaccine injured and developed regressive autism. He had chronic diarrhea. The gluten-free and casein-free diet healed his gut issues. I’m so grateful for your website and the delicious recipes that have helped my son heal his gut. Life is never easy, but never lose hope in life! Thank you!
Elana says
Thanks for your inspiring words Jersey Girl, I’m so glad we are on this journey together :-)
Jeanine Gordon says
Elana, you have helped so many people in so many ways that you may never know. Your recipes were a life-saver for me. I was so sick because of food and autoimmunity issues. Being able to cook from your recipes made me feel like I would survive the harsh food restrictions that have ultimately enabled me to reverse my condition. Your recipes have taught me how to use ingredients that I was otherwise unfamiliar with. And I do believe that I would have followed in my mothers footsteps of MS had I not made the changes when I did. So I thanks you for sharing. Your willingness to share your life and your wonderful gift of being able to cook delicious food, has been a blessing to me. It’s ok to feel sad at times about your situation. My heart goes out to you.
Jeanine G
Elana says
Thanks for your sweet comment Jeanine, I really appreciate it :-)